One day. One email. One line of text.
No emotion. No hint of what we had. No hint of what we were or who we wanted to be. No acknowledgement to the time we spent and the tears that were shed. Nothing.
It cuts like a knife through the still tender, unhealed flesh of my heart. “Don’t let anyone see you cry, Rachel.” My pride resonates this in my head and heart, stifling my tears unshed behind eyes that smile bravely as though nothing is wrong. Absorb the blow, internalize the pain, shake it off, and smile. That’s what you have to do. I must keep putting one foot in front of the other.
But that’s so hard to do when all I want to do is cry. Cry for the loss. For the lies. For his despicable pride that tore it all apart. For all that might have been but was not. For the defensiveness I now wear as shield. For the distrust that is my constant, initial reaction.
One day all of this will make sense. One day it will all fit clearly into the bigger plan of my life. But today, is just another day, where I can’t wrap my head around why it all turned out how it did. It’s just another day where I struggle through the healing process but am starkly reminded of the truth: I’m still not over you.
